


Hot Chocolate

by gregknowshisshit



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Best Friends, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode Related, Friendship, Gen, M/M, Past Suicide Attempt, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-19
Updated: 2018-01-19
Packaged: 2019-03-06 22:31:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13420986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gregknowshisshit/pseuds/gregknowshisshit
Summary: Following the events of 8.13, Danny admits to Steve something that happened before they met, during the darkest period of his life.





	Hot Chocolate

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, hi again! Quick note, I didn’t even watch 8.13. It’s honestly been the worst few weeks of my life, and the episode and subject hit far, far too close to home to watch it unfold on screen. However, I started this fic before the episode aired, and felt that it was an important one to finish.
> 
> Lots of you also know that I see myself in Danny a lot, and so for me, he was the perfect character to write this fic about. And a lot of what he says here is centred around my own personal experience, so I hope it’s not too OOC or that any of you feel wrongly about it. 
> 
> Also, I’m not sure when I’ll be updating my other fics. I have nearly-finished chapters for most of them, but as I said I’m not having a good time right now, and have been struggling to find the energy to finish them ~~~ But I promise I will!!! Anyway, thanks to anyone still reading my stories and sticking around. I appreciate it more than you know x

“Breathe, Danno. In and out, nice and slow. That’s it.” Steve encouraged the blonde man, laying a gentle hand on Danny’s back as he leaned out of the car door on the passenger side of the camaro, head resting in his hands as he worked hard to even out his rapid breathing.

They had left the scene only a few minutes ago, safe in the knowledge that Lou was now home with his family, and their suspect was at the hospital and no longer a danger to himself or anybody else.

Steve had noticed how Danny had been almost mute for the whole day, the blonde man staying mostly silent as Lou’s story had panned out, barely managing a laugh even as Steve had answered a call from Tani and Junior by joking, ‘It’s the kids’, in an attempt to cheer him up.

Deciding that the man was most likely just worn out, having just come back to work following the shooting incident in the hospital, Steve had simply clapped a hand on his shoulder and offered to drive him home, which Danny had accepted so quickly that it should have been a warning sign.

They were just turning off the street of the scene, however, when Steve first spotted it. The way that Danny’s hands were trembling as he stared off at nothing in particular, seemingly barely aware that Steve was even still sitting beside him. His emptiness had soon grown into cold, hard panic, and Steve found himself pulling over as Danny’s breathing grew more harsh and he ended up hyperventilating, clearly in the throws of a panic attack.

“S-Sorry.”

“Don’t be, buddy. It’s been a tough one, and you’re only just back in the field. Just get yourself calm again and I’ll get you home.”

“I have to- T-There’s something you need to know.”

“You can tell me anything, Danno. Just get yourself calmed down first, okay? Deep breaths. The last thing we need after today is you ending up in hospital because you’ve passed out.” Steve advised him gently, gaining a weak nod in return as Danny turned so that he was sitting properly back in his seat again, pulling the car door closed but popping the window to keep cool air flowing through the car.

“You good to go, buddy?” Steve received a second nod in response to his question before continuing on. 

“I’m gonna take you back to mine, okay? It’s late, and you can take the guest room.” 

“Don’t have to, Steve.”

“I know, buddy. But I’d rather know that you’re safe, okay? Haven’t seen you have a panic attack like that since- Well, not in a long time.” Steve answered as he started up the car again, cutting himself off before mentioning Matty, whose death was the last time that Steve had seen Danny this anxious.

Danny seemed to understand though, sighing a little sadly before nodding once again and leaning his head back in his chair, gazing out of the window in thought as they drove past the beach, watching the last few tourists milling around enjoying the last moments of the beautiful Hawaiian sun.

They arrived back at the McGarrett house after only a few more minutes, Danny settling himself on the sofa immediately as they entered the threshold, Steve unable to hold back a small smile at the way that Danny felt such comfort in his own home, before offering the man a drink, to which he requested a hot chocolate, Steve agreeing although his eyebrows tied together in confusion at the unusual choice.

The SEAL returned to the living room once he’d made the drinks, opting for a simple coffee himself, placing them carefully on the small table by the couch before taking a seat beside Danny, frowning slightly in concern as the blonde man curled into his side within moments, still breathing deeply and carefully as though still trying to keep himself calm.

“What’s going on, Danno? Today’s case get to you?” Steve asked as he tightened his arm a little around Danny, rubbing a hand up and down his bicep in a soothing motion.

“I tried.” Danny finally answered him after a few long moments of silence, barely audible despite their close contact.

“Tried what, buddy?”

“Before you came here. Before I took on your father’s case. I tried to kill myself in my shitty old apartment.” Danny explained quietly, Steve’s gentle arm movements freezing as he took in the information.

“God, Danny... What- What happened?”

“I’d just had Grace for the first weekend in months. Fucking months, Steve, I hadn’t seen her in almost a year. She turned up at my apartment, Rachel took one look at the place and looked about ready to kill me, but it was all I could afford, you know?” Danny started, waiting for a slight nod from Steve before continuing.

“Gracie’s a good girl, she didn’t care where I was living as long as she got to see me but I just- I’ve never felt that useless in my life. She spent the whole time filling me in on all the great things she’d been doing since she’d gotten to Hawaii, and I just had this overwhelming feeling that she didn’t need me anymore.”

“Soon as she left on the Monday, I got all of my meds together. I’d been diagnosed with depression and anxiety when I was just a kid, but I’m telling you, I’d never felt anything like I did that day. I’d gone to so much effort to come to Hawaii, change jobs, move my whole life. But on that day I didn’t even care. I just got too tired of everything. Didn’t even have the energy to wave poor Gracie goodbye, just closed the door as soon as she was out.”

“I was on a bunch of meds. Anti-depressants, sleeping pills, strong as shit painkillers for my knee; You name them, I was on them. So I just took the whole bunch. Washed them down with half a bottle of vodka. Grace had only been gone ten minutes.”

“Jesus Christ, Danny. How did you- What happened?”

“Turns out Grace had left her favourite toy in my apartment. Rachel sent Stan round to get it, and when I didn’t answer but he heard my phone inside he kicked the door down. Man thinks he’s a cop or something, apparently. Got me to the hospital about forty minutes after I’d taken everything, doctors said if he’d been any later I probably wouldn’t have survived. Not with the amount I’d taken.”

“Fuck, Danny. I’m so glad he found you. I’m so fucking glad you’re here.” Steve breathed out heavily, pulling Danny closer to him and into a tight hug, the smaller blonde man immediately hugging back as Steve felt the shoulder of his shirt grow wet with tears.

“I-I tried to leave her, Steve. I almost left my little girl. A-And the worst thing is, for months afterwards, I still believed I was right. I still wanted to go. And today just- I-It brought everything back.” Danny broke down on Steve’s shoulder, Steve holding him tighter and rubbing his back up and down.

“I’m so sorry, Danno. I never would have- You wouldn’t have been there if I’d known. I’m so sorry.” Steve spoke guiltily, but Danny was too busy choking out his pent up emotions from the day, and so Steve only held him closely and whispered soothing words to him until the tears tapered off into soft sniffles.

“You’re okay, Danno. It’s over now.”

“Grace was such a sweetheart after it happened. Rachel didn’t let me see her for a little while, I was sure I’d lost her for good. But then one day, there I am just falling asleep on my sofa, nothing to do till they let me back on the force. And these two tiny hands suddenly thrust a mug of hot chocolate in my face.” Danny started up again, his voice significantly more watery than before, but a light smile playing on his face.

“Rachel had told Gracie that I was sick, so she’d forced Stan to bring her over on the way home from school. He’s a good guy really, and I think he kind of felt guilty that I’d barely seen Grace, so the two of them turned up together armed with coffee and doughnuts. Gracie wanted me to have hot chocolate though, said it always made her feel better when she was sick.”

“You and Stan Edwards co-parenting, huh? Never thought I’d hear such a thing.” 

“Not quite. We were on opposite ends of the couch, Rachel looked just about ready to kill all three of us when she turned up a couple of hours later. But it was good. Didn’t feel quite as useless as I had before. Went back to work two weeks later, Gracie still brings me hot chocolate every time she thinks I’m upset or sick.” 

“Have to be honest, Danno. Never thought I’d see you drinking anything other than coffee or longboards.”

“Yeah well, it might not be the most logical solution to having suicidal thoughts but- Well, it reminds me of what I almost lost, I guess. Never wanna leave Gracie or Charlie like that, not if I can help it.” 

“Do you- Do you still have those thoughts? Would you ever- You know? Try again?”

“Honestly? I don’t know. I never want to feel like I did that day. Not ever again. It was- It was the worst day of my life. But I’ve lived with depression my whole life, and sometimes- Sometimes I feel those thoughts coming back and I don’t always know how to stop them. God knows what I’d do if I ever lost Gracie, or Charlie.. Or you.” 

“You know I’m always here right, Danno? You can- If you need to. You can talk to me. I love you, buddy.”

“I know, Steve. I love you too. Thank you- For everything, I mean. Even the hot chocolate.” Danny replied with a soft smile as he lifted his mug from the table, taking a small sip of the sweet drink.

“I only hope that I can match Gracie’s drink making abilities.”

“Hmm... Not sure if you’ve quite got her level of expertise just yet. But I’ll tell you something, Charlie would be proud of the amount of whipped cream and marshmallow you’ve piled on here.” 

“Hey, if you’re gonna make hot chocolate it at least has to be done right!” Steve grinned back in defence, Danny laughing lightly at his childish antics, but cuddling back into his side nonetheless, flicking on the TV. 

An hour later, Steve was carefully tugging the now-empty mug from Danny’s hands, the blonde man fast asleep against him and snoring lightly as he remained latching onto Steve’s shirt. The SEAL then lifted the man into his arms, taking him upstairs and laying him in the guest bedroom, ensuring that he was comfortable before planting a kiss to his hairline and flicking off the light, thanking everything he believed in that his best friend was here with him.

**Author's Note:**

> ((Sorry about that ending ~ I wasn’t sure how to wrap it all up!)) Thanks for reading x


End file.
